How is she doing....

A lot of people check in on me to see how Jordan is doing.  Usually one of the first questions is: "How is she doing with her prosthetic arm?" And I have a hard time answering that.

Jordan is using her prosthetic arm more.  She can throw it up onto a table, chair, stair to climb or stand up.  She holds her arm more sturdy and balanced.  But she's still stiff.  She still doesn't hold onto things with her hand and prosthetic hand.  She's better at pre-walking without it on.  I'm not sure why.

I know the prosthetic is helping her in some ways and hindering her in others and that leaves me very torn.  I want her to feel comfortable in both ways.  It's just hard.  As I've said before.  I wish it were easier.  But Jordan is lucky.  She doesn't know any other way.  That will certainly help her in everything she does.  But that torn feeling remains in the pit of my stomach.  I can never really say what I want to say when I'm asked about Jordan's prosthetic.  Yes, she's learning ways to use it.  Yes, she's doing pretty well with her prosthetic (especially now that she isn't getting heat rashes in it anymore!).  Yes, she is building muscles and growing in ways she wouldn't without it.  Yes, she'd be okay if she wasn't using it.  Yes, I still think we made the right decision.  Yes, I still question that decision from time to time.  Yes, I wish someone made a how-to book on raising a child with an above elbow amputation...  Anything that would tell me what to do.  Maybe I'll be able to do that for someone else someday.